- "It's your old friend, Strawman Johnmas!" ~ Strawman Johnmas, 2016
- "You ever had a bruised knee before? That shit hurts!" ~ Johnmas, 2017
- "I get it! It's all a joke and Johnmas wan't invited!" ~ Johnmas, 2017
- "If anyone's gonna kill that Robo-Fool Quinton Reviews, it's gonna be me." ~ Johnmas, 2019
Tom Johnmas (often known by various extensions, such as Strawman Johnmas or Mecha-Johnmas) is Quinton's arch-nemesis. He will appear during reviews, uninvited, and usually attempt to kill, harm, or gain the attention of Quinton. He is, in some sense, immortal -- given that he can die, but that he is constantly resurrected by other forces. He is played by Caleb Adkins.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Strawman Johnmas[edit | edit source]
Strawman Johnmas' first appearance was in Quinton Reviews 'Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles', where he kidnapped Quinton in the middle of his title sequence and tied him up in a basement. A 45-year old who was once a fan of Robotech, Strawman Johnmas apparently had spent some time stalking Quinton online after labelling him a "Harmony Gold apologist." After Quinton woke up in the basement, Johnmas forced him to review Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles.
Throughout the review, Quinton slowly cut through the ropes with a potato peeler, and eventually managed to defeat Johnmas by calling the police and having him arrested, by a potentially fake officer. (Quinton Reviews 'Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles')
Strawman Johnmas next called Quinton from prison, where he informed Quinton of a review which he never finished from 2013. After Quinton hanged up on him rudely, Johnmas loudly threatened to "kill the shit out of [him]." (The Top 10 Doctor Who Anniversary Stories of 2013)
After being let out on parole, Johnmas next broke into Quinton's house and threatened him. Instead of actually doing anything, he instead continued to ramble about what he could do, leading to Quinton simply walking up and snapping his neck, killing him. (Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle')
Resurrected[edit | edit source]
At some point, Johnmas was resurrected. Afterwards, he scoured the Earth for the legendary Blood rubies. With the rubies gathered he summoned the mighty Serpent Shen-Wrong the Right, who granted him the wish of immortality. Afterwards, he killed himself and went to hell where he trained under the tutelage of a mighty Cedar tree. He then gained access to the Dred zone, which gave him the power to "cause a shitty after effect to be superimposed upon the screen."
Johnmas returned to Quinton's house on the same day he had died to use this power, but he again spent too much time monologuing, giving Quinton time to find a gun. Quinton shot and killed Johnmas once again.
Quinton initially hid his body by the side of a road, before seeing a sign that read "No Dumping" which lead him to move it to a children's park. (Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle')
Mecha-Johnmas[edit | edit source]
The body of Johnmas was at some point discovered by Evil Dad, posing as Donald Trump, who used him as a basis to build Mecha Johnmas in 2019. He sent Mecha-Johnmas to fight Quinton, who was also with Tommy and a version of himself from the future. Mecha-Johnmas attempted to use a baseball to cause the Earth to shatter, killing all four of them, but it didn't work, embarrassing him greatly. He then planned to use a device given to him by Trump to summon Lazer Drones, but he became distracted by how the future 2019 version of Quinton wasn't paying attention to him. When it turned out that the two Johnmases did not share a childhood memory of their uncle taking them to a theme park, Tommy deduced that this was actually a memory installed on his android database as stock filler. Quinton furthermore came to the conclusion that since the future Johnmas didn't have the same memory (and seemed to not remember what was currently happening) Mecha-Johnmas must have never been resurrected again (as the next person went back a generation) and additionally that he was simply a robot who had been programmed to believe he was Johnmas. This shocked Mecha-Johnmas, who soon blew up in a fireball of blind fury. This left him as nothing more than a robot skeleton, and he passed out.
After he awoke, he grew tolerant to the idea that he wasn't the real Johnmas, and used his combined background in Alchemy and Computer sciences to build the Nano-Blocks (also known as Nano-Boxes or Nano-Cubes). He then confronted Quinton and the future Johnmas, just in time for his Bio-Skin to finish restoring. Quinton, upon seeing the Nano-Boxes, suggested he use them to travel back to 2017 to confront the past Quinton again. Mecha-Johnmas then did so. (To Boldly Suck: Bad Lore Movies)
Mecha-Johnmas arrived back in the 2017 Quinton's home and revealed to Quinton his Nano-Cubes. However, the Boxes were destroyed by a DVD of The Legend of Frosty the Snowman reflecting back their blasts and Mecha-Johnmas was also killed by the DVD. (Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle')
Super Johnmas[edit | edit source]
For hundreds of years, Mecha-Johnmas' body was left undiscovered. However, in the 3033 he was resurrected by an alien empire known as the Tang, augmented with Nano-Machines (unrelated to Nano-Boxes/Nano-Blocks/Nano Cubes), and given the title Super Johnmas. The Tang Empire wanted to use him to defeat the Zentribe Armada, but Super Johnmas immediately betrayed and joined the Zentribe under the condition that they first take him back to 2017. (To Boldly Suck: Bad Lore Movies)
The Zentribe apparently had many allies, including the Psycho Rangers, Gauntlet (the lord of the Fifth Dimension), Glove (Gauntlet's counterpart from another dimension) and an army of Orangatangs controlled by Glove. Super Johnmas and the fleet of thousands of Armada ships brought all these allies to storm Quinton's house at once. He also brought with him upgraded Super Nano-boxes, identical to the originals but in white.
Super Johnmas met Quinton in his laundry room and explained his plan, while also doing some of Quinton's laundry. Quinton at first seemed to think that he had no chance of winning this round but soon unleashed a hidden attack. By glaring super hard at anything in his way, he could cause that object to explode. Quinton used this to kill not only Super Johnmas, but also Gauntlet, Glove, the Rangers, the entire Orangatang army and the whole Zentribe fleet.
Super Johnmas noted during this fight that this was his "final form", suggesting that everything after this would be downhill. (Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle')
Star Convoy Johnmas[edit | edit source]
Johnmas was then resurrected by an unknown entity as Star Convoy Johnmas (To Boldly Suck: Bad Lore Movies) and hid in Quinton's bedroom on the same day as his previous attacks. He had gone out of his way to retrieve the Orb of Orbulon's Palace, which he had found at a toy aisle at a Walmart, and he planned to use this against Quinton. However, as he again began to explain his plan Quinton shot him with his gun. (Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle')
Resurrected again[edit | edit source]
Johnmas then spent a century in the Heaven splituary, concocting the perfect way to get revenge on Quinton. He then again returned to the same house on the same day and enacted his plan -- to have Quinton arrested for having killed Johnmas so many times. The plan seemed to work, however, Johnmas was soon also arrested for breaking parole. It was then that Quinton and Johnmas remembered that this specific officer was almost certainly a fake (and possibly a rapist), causing them to scream as he drove away with them.
Quinton, due to the larger size of his hands, had only one hand-cuff placed on him. (Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle') Because of this, when the officer stopped the car, he simply got out and left. Johnmas meanwhile, was left to his fate.
Johnmas eventually escaped from the fake police officer and began plotting again. While only several months passed for Quinton, several months passed for Johnmas. He spent the decades looking for more artefacts of Orbulon, which he could use to clear his criminal record. He was only able to find the Orb of Orbulon's Palace, which he already had.
He also gained scissors that (apparently) could cut the fabric of space and time (as well as paper and sometimes regular fabric). He used this to cut into Quinton's house (in the present, and not on the same day as before). (Quinton Reviews 'A Fairly Odd Summer') This lead to a loud commotion of noise, as Johnmas apparently knocked over several items in that room. Quinton briefly noticed this but chose to ignore it. (Will Quinton Reviews Survive? I 'The Thinning' Review)
Johnmas waited several weeks to come out of the room until Quinton yelled that he knew he was in there and threatened to "ruin his entrance." Johnmas exited, but was clearly unprepared, having no idea what to threaten Quinton with. He first threatened again to throw the Orb of Orbulon's Palace, then to suffocate him with a plastic bag, before threatening to simply "wreck [his] shit." Quinton had no reaction, choosing to simply let Johnmas have a breakdown instead of taking part, ending with Johnmas threatening to kill himself to become stronger once again. Quinton then offered to give him a free DVD labeled 20 Furry Tales if he left immediately. Johnmas accepted, but as the DVD briefly hit him he died. (Quinton Reviews 'A Fairly Odd Summer')
Resurrected, yet again[edit | edit source]
Johnmas was then resurrected again and accepted the 20 Furry Tales DVD from Quinton. He attempted to make commentary about the front cover, but Quinton insisted that he leave immediately.
Johnmas returned after Quinton had left, which lead to him having more of a meltdown. During this, he realized that he might be gay. (Quinton Reviews 'A Fairly Odd Summer')
Johnmas misunderstood Quinton's instructions to "leave," and stayed in the same room for more time. When he overheard Quinton mock Indiana Jones 4 in the next room, he protested that he enjoyed that film. Quinton grew furious that Johnmas had been secretly living in his house, and instructed him again to leave. (The Star Wars Holiday Special I Quinton Reviews)
This version of Johnmas died by suicide when he appeared during Quinton's NordVPN sponsor. (Ouija Movies Part 2 I Quinton Reviews)
Resurrected by Tommy Tuner[edit | edit source]
Johnmas was later resurrected by Tommy Tuner as a force for good, who believed that Johnmas must have been a powerful force due to all of the other people who ressurected him.
When Quinton was kidnapped and tied up by Evil Quinton, Johnmas arrived to save him. Much to everyone's surprise, Johnmas actually managed to kill the Evil Quinton. Johnmas then knocked the "good" Quinton out (with his help) and took him to meet Tommy, who explained that they needed his help to stop Trump from destroying their world.
Johnmas then attempted to guide Quinton and Tommy to Trump's space station, but they ended up lost. It was here that they encountered Mecha-Johnmas, an earlier version of him who had been ressurected to kill them. Johnmas, wanting to trick Quinton into believing that Mecha-Johnmas wasn't canon, disputed his younger selves' memories about their uncle Jack.
After causing Mecha-Johnmas to explode, Johnmas, Quinton, Tommy, and Wyatt Receiver ran to the actual location of the space-station, where Quinton destroyed it with his mind. After sending Mecha-Johnmas back to 2017, Johnmas pulled a gun on Quinton and revealed he was still evil. He also revealed his Human hand was fake, meaning he has the Robot-Skeleton hand that Mecha-Johnmas had. He explained that he was "cloaking his wavelengths" to hide his android curcuitry with his NordVPN sponsor.
Resurrected, another time[edit | edit source]
Johnmas was at some point resurrected after his previous death, and appeared in the studio of Quinton while he was recording an episode of Fallen Titans. However, he was able to let out little more than a laugh before Quinton shot him in the head, killing him instantly. (Filthy Frank | Fallen Titans #13)
Christmas Johnmas[edit | edit source]
Johnmas was next resurrected by a group of Elves as Christmas Johnmas. Additionally to him always being in Christmas-themed clothing, Christmas Johnmas discovered that a selection of seven holiday songs was always playing around his head (which he described as "like working retail") and that his mouth always tasted like candy cane. He soon arrived at Quinton's review set and begged him to shoot him in the head again. Quinton declined, leading to Johnmas storming out. (Star Wars Media Everyone Forgot)
Alternate universes[edit | edit source]
Appearances[edit | edit source]
- Quinton Reviews 'Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles'
- Quinton Reviews 'Power Rangers: The Legendary Battle'
- Will Quinton Reviews Survive? I 'The Thinning' Review
- Quinton Reviews 'A Fairly Odd Summer'
- The Star Wars Holiday Special I Quinton Reviews
- Ouija Movies Part 2 I Quinton Reviews
- To Boldly Suck: Bad Lore Movies
- Filthy Frank I Fallen Titans 13
- Star Wars Media Everyone Forgot
- My Virtual VidCon 2020